My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize