allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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