so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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