According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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