haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize