so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize