My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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