My nipple is on Facebook.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
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Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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