I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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