i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize