Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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