I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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