Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
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A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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