based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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