I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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