and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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