I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The air was thick with penises
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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