I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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