She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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