Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize