Already got asked if we're dating
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize