People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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