So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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