shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize