I just cut my nipple shaving
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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