He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize