I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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