I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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