I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize