I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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