I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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