After last night, I could never be a politician.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize