We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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