Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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