i permit you to call me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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