you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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