Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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