A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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