I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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