Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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