Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you inspire me to be a worse person
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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