do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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