Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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