What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize