Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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