remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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