my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize