i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize