apparently the secret to your success is patron
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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