Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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